Time thing

my computer is odd and the time that it says I posted is actually 2 hours behind

Two Women who have changed my life

The summer I turned 15 I met 2 women who have changed my life. That summer I became the mothers helper to one lady who has been a friends and support to me since then, July of 09 will make 7 years. At the end of the summer I met her best friend and became a part of her life as well. These two women have been my support through thick and thin, and have never given up on me. When I was down they talked me through things, when I was happy they were excited for me. They have been there for me through everything and fr that I am eternally grateful. When I look at both of these women, I want to be more like them, they are my hero's. This next part is to them.

Dear Amy and Bernae,

Over the past 6 1/2 years I have gotten to know you and your children, and I thank God every day for it. I know that I don't even have to say anything and you already know something is going on. You have accepted me through all of m faults and mistakes. I am not always the brightest of people but you accept and love me just the same. Every day that I am away I miss you and the kids more. There are times that I could get in my car and drive to either of your houses and visit. Every moment I spend with you guys and the kids is a treasure and aways has been. I am so glad that I met bth of you and your children, I don't know how I culd have made it this far without you. I love you both.

The days of all sorts

Today was one of those days that so many things happened. My uncle Mike left this afternoon to go back to Catalina island, after being here since Christmas Eve. This morning we spent time with him and had fun taking pictures and just talking. After he left family friends came to visit and see me while I am in town. It was nice seeing them and catching up on stuff. In between my uncle leaving and company coming we,as in my mom and the girls had a discussion with my brother telling hi how we feel on some issues (want to know ho I feel read my previous blog). After the company left my mom and ran to CVS and walmart to get some stuff. For the rest of the day we have just been at home relaxing and sch. So overall the day was emotional at times as well as boring at times.

Having Trouble understanding a sibling

My brother and I are 18 months apart and when we were kids we were best friends, but as adult we are both very different. My brother made a comment to me before I moved to kansas 6 months ago, saying "why cant we have a normal brother sister-brother relationship and be able to talk about things?" So when I left I made it a goal to work on that. Well I have given 100% for the most part, and he is giving like 10% at most. When I call he doesnt answer, when I text he doesnt respond, and never does he make an effort. I feel like I just want to stop trying, because I cant be the only one making an effort and him not working towards it at all. I have been in PA since the 18th and he has been at his girlfriends 90% of the time. I have been at home and available to talk, hang out, or whatever, and he never comes home or is there. Maybe it is just me but it is hard to have a relationship with a person who doesnt even what to be around you or your family. Well I am tired, and so I will try and get to bed and get a good nights sleep. I will post pictures and stuff about my uncles visit tomorrow.

Cookies, cleaning, and prep for Company

Well the last two days have, been cooking cookies (as well as other desserts, to hand out), cleaning the house and getting ready for uncle Mike to come on Christmas Eve Morning. We have not seen him since my grandma died 10 years ago. It is also wierd being back at home and stuff even if it is for a short period of time. the girls are still fighting, my mom and dad both are always on the edge, never knowing when to take a joke. I love my family and all, but being away and then coming back it seems so different. I cant sleep, but I really want ot sleep, so Ineed ot get off this computer and go to sleep.

First few days back in PA

Well I have been in PA the last four days, and well it's good but different. I have seen my best friend and I have got to hang with the family so far. There are many people that I want to see over the next two and a half weeks. Coming back to PA after you have moved half way across the US gives you a different perspective on htings I think. when I was living at home I didn't realize the things that I miss as well as just everything that is different. Living in KS and away from my parents made me grow up. I have to make my own decisions and when I make a choice there is nobody there to prevent me from making a bad choice. If I make the decision I will have to live with the consequences. Each day of my life I live with depression and I am learning how to deal with it as an adult who isn't always sheltered from reality. This is a short entry but I dont really have much to say, that is what is going on in my life now.

What all I have to do

Today is going to be a busy day for me. I have been up since 6:30am because I had to get 2 of my cousins and on the bus. The rest of them are homeschooled in this family so when they started waking up at 7:30am I started making breakfast for the 7 of us. My aunt and uncle are away they spent the night in Kansas City by themselves. All day yesterday we make gingerbread houses as well as did lots of work on our scrapbook. It is getting there I think that we have about 30 out of the 100 we need. I have all the pictures just not all the time, I am going to give it to my aunt and uncle for Christmas, but I leave for Pa in three days so I am just running out of time. Well this is a shorter entry but hopefully I will have mare to write later after I get off of work and get home.

Well I am adding more after going through a very stressful but exciting day. Today was well an adventure, to say the least. After the kids and I worked our butts off on the scrapbook I was left with cleaning up hte mess when their parents got home because they got a puppy, but that was ok because it was so nice to see them all light up when their parents walked in with the puppy and they were are excited. After I left there I made my way to work. I love my job and hanging with the girls that I suport. She is like a breath of fresh air when I need it. Like the kids that I love who are back in PA. Well I guess it is time for bed, have a lot to do tomorrow.

Getting Started

Well I have always loved to journal and such, so after reading my friends blog for a little while now I decided to start my own. I am a 21 year old young woman who is just beginning to get out on her own, and make decisions for herself. I have suffered with depression as well as anxiety for almost 10 years but was just diagnosed with it a little over 2 years ago. My parents dont always understand but they are getting better. I have a friend who does understand and she has been there for me as long as I have known her. Her best friend as well as thier children are the most important thing to me. I love them so much and when I feel like just giving up I always know they are there for me they will be the ones to give me hope and says its going to be ok. I recently made a very big decision in my life and moved over a thousand miles away from friends and family to go to school and start living my life as an adult making decisions for myself. Each day I battle chronic depression, anxiety, ADD and OCD, but I am learning to live life and not let those things keep me down. I think this is going to be it for the day but I will try to write every or everyother day.